Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Belinda Speaks

Hello to all of you out there in blog land. Today is the day that I have been moved to speak about a few things that have been matriculating in my heart and head. As most of you know and for those of you who do not, Billy is a recovering alcoholic and addict. He will soon have been home for two months, and the 6th of December he will have been clean and sober for six months. He attends AA meetings five nights a week. We live one day at a time. I am an active member of Al-Anon and thank God that He has created a place for hurt and sick people to find help. I am grateful for God, his mercy, and his grace.


We are losing more support starting in January 2008 and have lost our previous sponsor and countless other things as direct consequences of Billy's disease. These losses are not why I have decided to speak about me. Since this journey began, I have had to closely analyze my life and own illness as a co-dependent person. I was born into a very disfunctional family, and that carries its own set of problems. I married a man that had his DNA marked at birth. I have chosen not to live my life as a victim or blame anyone for what is happening to us now. It is just the way it is.



I do, however, have a few things to say about judgements that have been passed onto us. It seems some feel that we are now not apt for work in the kingdom. Who in this world is not plagued by some form of their own disfunction? Who in this world does not struggle with their own perception of who they are or hide behind a mask and pretend to be something they are not? Who in this world has got it all right? Who in this world has the right to make judgement calls on other people they do not even know or have a relationship with? What has happened to autonomy? Who in this world deserve complete forgiveness without any strings attached? I think it is called unconditional love. Who in this world has not sinned? How many have sinned and hide their iniquities in the closet? How many have set themselves up as judge and jury when they themselves should be sitting in the chair facing their own weakness and sin?


I am so glad that I know Jesus and the story of the woman confronted by a group of good citizens with stones in their hands ready to deal out judgement. Jesus said to them, "If any of you is without sin let him cast the first stone." Billy is the prodigal son with the robe and ring on his finger. He is a man that has been to hell and back again, and he knows what it is to be forgiven. God is already using him mightily in the lives of others. When you get to heaven, ask Brandon, Billy's young friend who died two weeks ago, who showed him about Jesus. I am a woman who still loves and forgives and lives one day at a time thanking God that I have been given insight into the lives of hurting, damaged people.


And there are those who think that we are not apt for work in the kingdom. I will be so bold as to put our mental health, spiritual walk, marriage, and family relationships up for display against any of yours and see who is healthier. Recovery is a daily job ... turning it all over and having complete dependency in God is true freedom. Knowing who I am, my sin, my weakness and knowing that God sees it all and stands next to me is liberating.


Tell me who does not have a favorite shirt that is torn and tacky but still uses it. Which of you does not have a favorite cup that is cracked, and yet you still drink from it? How many of you have a favorite ornament for your tree at Christmas that is old and ragged and still hang it because your child or grandchild made it ... is it still useful? Does it not still give you joy? That is who we are ... Billy and myself. People who are cracked, torn and beat up but still useful for God.


One more question. What about me, Belinda Moore? Am I not still worthy after 20 years on the mission field? After the sacrifices, the damage done to my own children, am I not still worthy of hire? Am I not a missionary?

Blessings Belinda "la pistolera"



27 comments:

Lisa said...

Thank you for opening up and sharing what most people would never admit to. We all sin, yet its easier to point it out in others than to point out our own. I am amazed at your love and faith and am so encouraged and blessed to know that you are working for the Lord. I am blessed to have worked side by side with you and Billy in Mexico City and to have learned about freedom in Christ, forgiveness of sin, and what really knowing Jesus is. Character is shaped through trial and being part of a family with the same disease on both sides... i know the kind of character that God draws out of those who conquer it. I know of no other people who should be on the mission field. I love you both as mentors, friends, and family.

LaPistolera said...

Thank you Lisa. it has been good to come together again. Blessings

greg622 said...

amen belinda. thanks for your heart that is filled with passion and a longing to be real before God and people. somewhere along the way we have become the church of the facade. we are afraid to speak of our "cracks" lest we lose support (financial or otherwise) and all the while slowly dying inside. being human, we are all broken vessels and addicts of the flesh. i pray you find support and strength in this journey and that God will refine your ministry to be stronger and purer. i believe in you and more importantly the God who is at work in you. STAND FIRM, Jesus is LORD. you will find no stone thrown here.

Dennis Wilson said...

Belinda,

I could write a book....

But, Billy knows...I have written on Rex's Blog when I heard that he was told he wasn't fit to work on the mission field...maybe Billy still has that post - if not - its on Rex's blog from back in September.

Know that you are loved...and that the little church in Lubbock is behind you...and that I am sitting on the other side of Mexico - praying for you...and know that God is using you in a mighty way - I cannot wait to meet Brandon - I think I was on audio the night he said that he needed to get it done.

Keep up the good work! You cannot stop being what you are!

Brad said...

Belinda,

The greatest kingdom work that has ever been done has been done by broken people. Most people won't ever see that because in their minds, 'brokenness' is a weakness. If most folks would just pick up their bibles and find out that God "delights" in broken people, for it is only then that we become crucified with Christ and yet still live. You and Billy stay weak, stay humble, hold on to one another at the foot of the cross. It's where we all find God's healing and comfort.

Mike & Lucy said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts from your heart. I know God has much work ahead of you and Billy, no matter where you are, no matter where He leads. No one can stop you from doing mission work wherever you are at, unless you allow them. May you always continue to let God work in you and through you.
We hope to see you in Lubbock if you visit. You remain in my prayers.
--Lucy

Mike & Lucy said...

PS. I admire your love and courage to stay strong next to Billy through all this. May I be as loyal and loving as you in my own marriage...forever!

jpartinjr said...

B and B,

I just got home from a Bible Study; I was able 2 read
what I know 2 b your heart. I am a direct result of
God's love 4 you. It was His love that prompted both
of you 2 open your door 2 me when others would have
and had given up on me. It was that love that Jesus
expresses 2 everyone that has ever lived on earth; he
saw the worthless as worthy! So much that he die 4 all
of us leaving us an example that we should love
another as He loved.
Mark 2:16-17
16 And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with
publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples,
How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans
and sinners?

17 When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that
are whole have no need of the physician, but they that
are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but
sinners to repentance.

Sometimes people deem others as worthless, but that is
not what the Jesus did. As we look at the life of
Jesus as found in the Bible we find that He had the
faith in God to work in lives a worthless and broken
humanity with grace and mercy that molds us into 2 His
likeness.

Serving together,
Joey

flee said...

Thank you! You took a risk putting your heart out here in cyber world...may we all be as bold!

I'm so thankful for the role you have both played in my life. I'll never forget the things I've learned from you guys. Keep loving and serving those around you. God is just getting started...even after all these years. You have new eyes and ears and are probably being used in ways you NEVER would have before.

I thank God for you both. I love you dearly. And I'm still praying.

flee

Cheesetown said...

Belinda,

I Love you! I love Billy! I was blessed to be able to work and play with you guys for the short time I did and I am still blessed to call you my friends. I wish I could reach through this monitor and give you both a big hug!
God has done, and will CONTINUE to do, his good work through you both.

Love,
Erik

Kristi said...

Billy and Belinda,
We love you. I am so proud of you both. I am so impressed by Billy's courage; may God give him huge amounts of strength.
There is an AA meeting that meets at the church building here next to our house. It is a huge meeting and when the cars fill the lot in front of our house Maddi asks why. I tell her that it's because these people don't want to be sick anymore and tell her that I don't know my daddy because he never wanted to get help. I thank God for all of the families that have not been broken due to alcoholism...I thank God for you for not giving Satan that power.
You are in my prayers.
love, Kristi

Tammy said...

Billy and Belinda, You are both precious to me. You are so right in saying that we are all disfunctional in some way. We should all point to ourselves when placing blame and envelope each other in love knowing that Jesus is the only blameless one. May God bless you both with His freedom and with support to continue the good work He has started in you. I love you!

Sean McClue said...

Thanks for walking in the light! This is where the "rubber meets the road" in God's kingdom! You guys are great examples to us.
You are both more than fit for the kindgom...why? Because the throne of David is occupied. May grace continue to flow from that throne...for all of us...thanks to Jesus Christ.

LaPistolera said...

Thank you all for responding and the words of love and encouragement. WE are not quitters and never have been. Jesus grow sweeter all the time. One day at a time sweet Jesus.

Lisa said...

Belinda, I pray for you and Billy daily and will continue to do so. The kingdom belongs to such as the two of you. Much love to you both.

David Cook said...

Belinda,
You do not know me. I came to Mexico City last year and stayed in the Blue House with your daughter and son in law. Larry Wilks met you a few years ago. So that is our mutual acquaintance. My heart and prayers go out to you. It appears there is a dangerous curse plauging our brotherhood. We have a tendency to kick people whn they are down. I do not know the full details of your story but seeing what has transpired I have chosen to read between the lines and chalk this recent move of dropping your support to this trend that has developed over time. I am saddened by what has occured in your life. And through prayer I support your recovery and the recovery of Billy as well. I celebrate your honesty and I have seen the pain you feel played out in the stories of countless others.
Just this past year a freind of mine and his wife were in a hard fight for cancer. His wife had breast cancer and is recvering and doing well. When they were down and at their worst their church family abandoned them and accused them of all kinds of things. They now have founf a place where they can be useful for God... You are still useful for the Kingdom Woe to those who have been a stumbling block and have abanodoned you when you are most vulnerable. I am discouraged to hear that. Keep fighting and allow God to use your borkeness as a testimony to others. I admire the heart you have for people and the integrity you have held on to in the midst of this bad situation. May God bless you and Billy My prayer and my heart is with you....

David
dmcook_4@yahoo.com

Dalit said...

I insist, you and Billy are the two most honest Christians I know... You have blessed my family dearly with that example!

You are not only worth of being supported... you DESERVE it!

We love you and cherish your work,
Javier and Dalit

Barb said...

Belinda (and Billy!),
I've been a little silent on all that has happened with you guys recently, not out of lack of concern, but just because I haven't known what to say other than the "I'm prayin' for ya". I do, but your post here just spoke to my heart, and I wanted to let you know that I'm so sorry about your losing so much over this. I know there are always consequences for our decisions and actions, but when it seems like you are being almost completely deserted, it just seems wrong. It makes me wonder if they ever really understood about forgiveness, or mercy.

Anyway, thank you for posting this; for making us all think about OUR answers to your questions. Very powerful stuff there, lady.

With love & continued prayers,
Barb Smith

Alicia said...

Are we to think that we are exempt from the judgement of the "righteous" ones? Our own Lord was seen as "unfit" for the kingdom...and indeed He was...for "their kingdom", anyway. We, my sister, are a part of an unknown kingdom...unknown by the "religious ones"...unknown by those who are blinded by their own planks in their eyes...unknown by those who go about their lives in their comfort religiosity...thinking they are of the Kingdom, yet blinded by Satan's lies, complacency, and human conditions. No, my sister, you are not fit for that kingdom. God is in the process of making you fit for THE KINGDOM. God has brought you to your knees in utter dependence on Him because you had no where else to turn. You became powerless, empty, and absolutely incapable of doing anything about your situation. FINALLY, my sister, you are fit for the KINGDOM. God continues to mold you and break your spirit of independence. He continues to give opportunities to show you His faithfulness, rather than your talents and strengths. FINALLY, my sister, He has you where He can use you for the work He has prepared for you. May all God's workers come out on this side of brokeness ready to do KINGDOM work. May you and Billy and your family continue to be examples of fragile clay pots...for a lost and dying world. Continue on, my weak and powerless sister, because it is then that our God's power is ever present to do His work with this world, through your brokeness. May we all be so weak, powerless, and UNFIT!!! You are both my heros because God is your Hero!!!!
Alicia Krogsgaard

Cheesetown said...

Sometimes I wonder if the people who stand on such high ground (like those who you speak of) actually know Jesus? It just doesn't make sense to me that some can forget God's amazing love.

You and Billy have been such amazing examples to me of what a Christian is. Your unfailing love for the lost and for those of us who have had the blessing to walk part of the way with you. Nothing will EVER change that. There is no one better fit for the work you guys do. You are true worriers for Christ.

I love you guys!
Marci

My favorite Verse:
Jeremiah 29:11-14
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find me, when you search for Me with all your heart, and I will be found by you...

Jarrod said...

Belinda ~

I just preached on Genesis 38 and the story of Judah and Tamar. The title of the lesson was "What an Embarrassment" with a subtitle "An Amazing Thing About Grace". As one other person commented, we all "have cracks" - thanks for being bold enough to share yours. I know you both have a great passion for the lost, especially in Mexico!

Sounds like some may consider one or both of you an embarrassment, but know that that isn't the case. Just as Judah may have been an "embarrassment" God used that lineage to bring our Savior! You can read about it my blog for December 3rd at jarrodspencer.blogspot.com

May God bless you as you continue to serve Him mightily!

We'll be prayin'!
Jarrod & Aubrey Spencer

The Gearharts said...

I just wanted to say, we believe in you, and in a christ that takes our mistakes and turns it into something more powerful for his kingdom. Everything is a YES in Christ. Since we were with you we can say, we see God doing GREAT things. The Holy Spirit is working and real church with real peope is messy. We are thankful for your commitment. I am so sorry for those few loud mouths that say the most cruel things. We believe in Jesus Christ and his mercy, forgiveness and message. We belive in the Holy Spirit and his power, seal, working. We belive in you! We are cheering you on, and are excited with anticipation at the amazing things God is allowed to do through you in Mexico and here:)

Billy said...

Belinda,

I love both of you very much. You have had such an influential role in my life. I am sorry that all of this has happend but I know God is going to continue to use you to spread his Word.

Timbra Wiist Owner/Photographer said...

i've come late to the party. . . but you know so many have looked to you two as examples of "a heart for missions." we have your work and your lives in prayer and I know that Jesus said he came for the sick (the broken, the needy, etc), not those who were without need for a physician, if we can't all admit we need Christ because we are not whole without Him, then we can't really be used by Him. . thanks for being so raw out here in the blog world. we love you guys
the wiist family

said said...

Belinda.

we all are sinners, of course but not too much of us have the courage to expose it in the web even to ourselves.I never will judge you or Billy as weel, because I love you, I´m blessed to know you and your familiy I knew God for your work and I dont want to loose my relationship with our lord I wish to be like u, strong loyal, passioned, honest and proud to be at God´s service.
I wish to learn more from you, I hope to see you soon again and give a big huge.
I need a favor from u, please write your "belinda speaks" in spanish Im sure that many people in Mexico church will love it.
Said velazquez
cuajimalpa church.

said said...

PS
sorry about my grammar.
my apologize to all of you.
said

Colleen said...

Belinda and Billy,
I will be praying for you both. My husband Bob is a recovering A...for three years now. God has used his story to minister to so many...and I'm sure God will continue to use you both.
Christians are not perfect, by the grace of God we are all forgiven.
Continue your good work and look to Him for your strength.
Blessings,
Colleen Durbin (Dotson)